12.14.24
from my heart to yours
For most of my life, I lived in quiet anguish from unprocessed feelings and traumas that I let build up until the darkness consumed every inch of my mind. No amount of positivity could stop this plague. It was like a freight train barreling down the railroad with no engineer and I was tied to the tracks like some old timey cartoon. I fell apart. Hard. My anxiety and heartache took center stage. Just the act of breathing felt like it took every fiber of my being to muster up a simple inhale. My thoughts were scary and intrusive, subtle but powerful. My confidence shattered. Sense of self, dead.
I turned to therapy and Heart Studies™ was born.
I wish I could say Heart Studies™ was intentional, but like much of my creative expressions, my credit goes to the little guy inside me who seems to know more about myself than I do. I have always struggled with expressing myself and had become what some would call a professional “bottle-upper.” If there was a sport, I would be MVP. Hell, I would own the whole damn league. I have spent my entire life pushing my feelings down and ignoring the reality of my experiences until the day when the cap finally blew off. And it did. This was the end of 2022, not a lifetime ago. I knew it was time to take my mental health seriously and I’m so happy that I did.
In therapy, I made quite the astonishing realization that most people around me would have said, “yeah, duh,” but to me it was a revelation. I have been expressing myself this whole time, not through words, but through art. I realized that my art had been a direct reflection of the storms and silliness that brewed within me and that if I could just listen to my heart, I could begin to understand. I could begin to heal. I could finally connect my heart with my mind. It all started to make sense. I drew a lot during my initial therapy sessions and learned even more about myself. I started to feel more confident to share my feelings and now I’m currently on a lifelong pursuit to be as vulnerable as possible. I understand now. Healing, real healing, begins within. So, I started with the source and began sketching all the things my heart had gone through. The good, the bad and the devastating. Then something very special happened…I began sharing my hearts with others and they instantly related. Our experiences were the same. We all feel this insane spectrum of emotions. Turns out, we are all human.
Heart Studies™ is an ongoing exploration of everything our hearts go through. They’re pulled, scratched, battered and bruised and dragged through the gauntlet of life. The pain we feel can sometimes feel never-ending. But our hearts are also resilient, full of love, passionate and capable of immense compassion. The journey of life is a wildly unpredictable experience and it’s up to us to constantly remind ourselves of how strong we truly are. So, no matter what it is that you’re going through right now, these hearts serve as a reminder that you can and will make it through anything life throws your way. Some days are harder than others but I promise you that you will make it through.
Open your heart, let pain the flow out and the love flow in. The Healing Begins™.
